Covid 19 Lockdown whilst just Separated- Aaarrggh!!

No looking back – Accept that what could have been is no more and that what will be is yet to be found so explore.

Quote: Don’t let something that’s long gone continue to control you – It’s time to let go.

So, I get the news that we have a failed marriage and that the wife has had enough – my first thought is fuck, this can’t be happening, second was oh shit, we’re about to enter Covid 19 conditions! Your timing absolutely sucks woman, this was coming for probably 7 years and you pick NOW!! Could not make it up!

Realties kick in such as – we will not be selling the house any time soon cos the price will be lower than what it was. Another is that I can’t run away and mope on my own some where due to travel being closed down. I can’t even go to blow off some steam and have a good drink with other people as the pubs/clubs are closed. Then I realise that finding a place to live for one of us outside the home is going to be difficult under these conditions! Fuck it anyway woman – your timing really sucks!!!

So here we are under lockdown trying to not tear each other apart and it’s had it’s moments but overall we have survived and maybe the confinement has forced me to face the reality head on. There has been plenty of tears and discussion with my captive audience, mostly met with a stone cold emotionless demeanour (that was very sad to see). Sometimes I was met with an animated response as we picked the bones of our almost 30 relationship (27 Married) – both of us have hurt the other in the early days and we split after 7 years. Got back together to deal with unfinished business 2 years later, had 3 kids and a decent life for most of it. It went downhill at some point, gentle at first then free fall it seems ….

I wonder if the confinement has helped me along the process a bit quicker as I find that I am starting to think clearly of the future – a future that the EX wife is no longer a part of. But somebody will be … just need to pull myself together and go find her!

Still finding it very difficulty 3 1/2 weeks in but there is light at the end of the tunnel – she is adamant that it is over and I have concluded the same in my head and am trying to rationalise it my way. I know how I cope with trauma – I need to go do stuff and feel stuff that I can’t do as a married man as it will enable me to detach and let go – I might even find some happiness on the way … who knows!

Cheers All

Paul

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